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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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I finally get to the pub on Pakuranga Road. It’s packed, but the vibe is chill. I grab a pint and just let loose. I’m telling my mates about the kid in the library and the duck chase. We’re all laughing, and I’m feeling good.

Funeral for Auckland grandfather gunned down in courier van to take place today